List NOW with the Cantor Job Placement Service

Published Aug 7th, 2011

**UPDATE! STILL NO WORD FROM ERIC CANTOR ABOUT A JOB**

Have you been living off of “pumped up unemployment benefits” for quite some time now, when you would rather have a job?

Or, perhaps you’re a 99er, who invested your former unemployment benefits so well that you presently lack the focus to find a job.

If you’re tired of continuous unemployment benefits, which are preventing you from getting a job, then you will be relieved at the brilliant solution introduced by House Majority Leader Eric Cantor and revealed to CNBC host Jim Cramer:

“Jim, the most important thing we can do for somebody who’s unemployed is to see if we can get them a job.”

With that spirit of American ingenuity, Representative Eric Cantor is pleased to introduce:

The Cantor Job Placement Service.

All you need to do is be an American citizen and send or fax your resume to any of the following offices:

The Honorable Eric Cantor:
4201 Dominion Boulevard, Suite 110
Glen Allen, VA 23060
Tele: 804-747-4073
Fax: 804-747-5308

or

The Culpeper Office:
736 Madison Road, Suite 207
Culpeper, VA 22701
Tele: 540-825-8960
Fax: 540-825-8964

or

The Washington D.C. Office:
The Honorable Eric Cantor
United States House of Representatives
303 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515-4607
Tele: 202-225-2815
Fax: 202-225-0011

I have submitted my own resume to this ingenious new service, with the following cover letter. Make sure you stop back to this web page, where I will update my progress working with Mr. Cantor’s new job placement service.

Dear Hon. Eric Cantor,

When you told Jim Cramer “the most important thing we can do for somebody who’s unemployed is to see if we can get them a job,” I felt for the first time that SOMEONE in Congress had a proactive solution to my own, personal situation of unemployment.

Representative Eric Cantor is going to see if HE can get me a job!

So, please find enclosed my resume. You will see that I have spent $90,000 (plus accruing interest) on an undergraduate degree from the University of Wisconsin–Madison and a masters degree from the University of Chicago. Certainly in this great country of ours, such an education makes me surpassingly employable. My background is in U.S. and World History, political science and green innovations.

I am a published writer, a world traveler and have been employed since I was age 14. Many of the jobs did not offer health insurance, but such are the sacrifices people like me need to make for the opportunity of living in a free society. It saddens me that people in Japan, Canada, all of Europe, Central America, Australia and places like that are not willing to sacrifice so that their country’s corporations can excel. How socialist/communist to demand that the government pay for education and health care when the free market requires workers like me to contribute.

I look forward to hearing what your placement service has to offer me in the way of a job. I do not understand why the Democrats could not come up with such a solution. It’s amazing how many clever innovations just sit there, staring us in the face, before somebody finally identifies them.

The Cantor Job Placement Service is such an innovation and I am honored to be submitting my resume to you.

Sincerely,

(me)